Do you ever feel like there is just too many things to get done?
Do you ever feel like there is not enough time and resources to do everything you need to do?
If you were to spend a day with me, you would find that I don’t have the time to:
Run 4 companies
See both of my grandsons every week
Feed the homeless every Tuesday
Be the president of the CMSA
Be the dishwasher in my home
Spend one on one time with each of my adult children each week
Work out three times per week
Play sand volleyball
Be on a softball team
Take time to reflect on my personal and business goals each week
And DO the critical things it takes for a business to thrive.
I don’t have time for any of this; but I do it
… because I want the positive consequences of those things in my life
And I learned how to do this from a 12 year old.
One more thing I don’t have time for is being a big brother in the big brother big sister program.
I have a little brother, his name is Trae and he‘s older now, but when I met him when he was 12. Do you talk to 12 year olds on a regular basis? Any time you ask a 12 year old a question, the answer’s the same; it’s a two word contraction of three words and it kinda goes like this. “I dunno” So picture the scene when we met: I’m in his home, at his kitchen table with his mother and the Big Brother rep. I try to strike up a positive conversation. I asked him, So Trae, what are your goals for this match? “I dunno” What do you want to do the first time we get together? “I dunno” What do you want to do when you grow up? “I dunno” What’s your favorite subject in school? “I dunno”
Do you know how to communicate with someone who answers every question with “I dunno”? Yah, me either. I was at a loss as to what to do. Then I saw this movie; “The Bucket List”. Basically, the two guys in the movie come up with a “bucket list” of things they want to do before they “kick the bucket”. So I thought, hey, maybe I can use this as a tool with Trae. So I explained the idea to him – he seemed to have been listening – I was very specific, set some deadlines, and I left him to do the work.
So next time we get together, I ask Trae “so what’s on your bucket list?” and he replied “I dunno”
It occurred to me during this time that he is not very much unlike me in that he was very busy being a kid and this was something that was a task that he was too busy being a kid to do. It reminded me of when my banker wanted a business plan in order to fund me for my next Line of credit, and I know he was sitting there thinking that all I have to do is write out a business plan with a pro forma and he would give us a line of credit. But I was too busy running my business; I wanted to have the line of credit without doing the work. So when I asked my banker how increasing my line of credit was going, he asked me where my updated business plan was. I said, “I dunno”
I finally figured that I better take some ownership for this communication issue, so I bought a composition notebook and wrote “Our Bucket List” on the front with a magic marker, and we actually sat down and did it together. We started brainstorming; and we wrote silly things down and fun things down and serious things down and we would cross them off and put them back on and before you know it, we had a bucket list.
The ah-ha moments were many but here are a few:
Spending the effort to work together has huge payoffs
- We found our purpose
- It’s now HIS. HE maintains it, and gladly
- I learned the principle of working WITH people to establish common goals
- Establishing a process for how we “do” our bucket list – you know adding things, re-prioritizing, crossing things off – makes our time together infinitely more fun and rewarding
- We developed a way to communicate with each other
- With a plan, you don’t drift into just doing the same thing over and over or into patterns that are not useful and it gives us something to adjust so that it stays fun and rewarding.
We have a great time with this bucket list now, and the result is that we have been snow-shoeing and to the bottom of the Grand Canyon together. We found out that he loves sculptures, especially moving sculptures, he also loves music and plays the trumpet and we are in a magic club together. ( I am convinced these things are helping him in math and he is no longer failing) He now has a goal: “ to have a two story house on a ranch in Switzerland, and grow vegetables” and he understands that to get there, he needs to do well in school.
Here’s the irony: In this case, having the bucket list ensures our relationship will not “kick the bucket”
I now run my life by my own bucket list – and I have the time to do everything in it…

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